Masquerade
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September 11th, 2008
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| Well, so far it's been an interesting week of training at my current job. This morning I work at Lane Bryant, so for the first time since Monday I don't have to wake up at five in the morning to get ready. Trust me, this is a good thing. The panther, the insomniac, has been having to go to bed at 11:00 pm! Trust me, I was surprised too. Various notes on this week: - 1. Icing cake is a bitch, and I still suck at it - 2. People kept complimenting me on how creative I was with ideas - 3. In many ways, even though most everyone seems over 35 there, it seems like highschool again (which trust me, is a mentally bad place for me) - 4. Yet another person thought I had a British accent (protip: I've never been to England) - 5. And another person thought I looked like I was about 30 when trying to guess my age. - 6. The job isn't as boring as Lane Bryant is, when I can decorate cakes - 7. But standing on a concrete floor all day has been killing my feet, and the shock of that has been traveling up into my hips. - 8. I managed to stab myself the other day through the front of my index finger nail when cleaning a cake icer, because I'm special. - 9. I keep forgetting to pack a lunch so I've been eating at Subway. So, things I still need to do this week: - 1. Get into a habit of packing a lunch - 2. Ship the Wowy his birthday presents - 3. Investigate the free mental health dealie Wal-Mart supposedly offers. At least I get to go home "early" today, as it's only a part-time shift. Oh, when working a retail job seems like a vacation, you know you have issues. ^_~ --- 3751 | ||||||||||||
The mirror shows: Shine a Light   |
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calmSeptember 7th, 2008
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| So, I noticed I haven't posted here in a while. I should fix that. This begins my first week at an attempt to work at Lane Bryant and at Wal-Mart. Already (since the job acceptance) I've been feeling more stressed than usual, and that's actually been showing up at LB, despite my best efforts. I've been pretty good at masking and being Happy-Cheerful-Helpful so much so that the people at LB think I'm constantly in a good, hyper mood. However, I guess when the reality of my feelings reach certain levels it actually bubbles over. Ugh. But I think once I get firmly settled in with my current schedule I'll be able to relax back into my normal levels of anxiety and stress. ... Maybe I should look into the free mental health thing from Wal-Mart, eh? Pretty much my schedule goes: Sun-Mon-Tues-Weds-Fri: Begin work around 7:00 or 9:00, end work about 5:00 or 6:00. Sat-Thurs: Work at Lane Bryant from around 9:00 to 2:00. Today is the first day I get to do real job work at Wal-Mart; that is, instead of taking tests and watching videos, I'll get to actually learn how to decorate cakes. Well, learn how to decorate cakes professionally. Already I feel super-intimidated, but I'll listen to my most sugary magical-girl music before going in and wear a permanent smile upon my face. Wal-Mart is used to a high turnover rate, and after sitting though nearly 30 computer tests about corporate policy I'd like to be able to last longer than the first two weeks. Wish me luck~ <3 --- 3751 | ||||||||||
| The mirror shows: Shine a Light |
![[mood icon]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/mood/lierre/compy/scared.gif){kind=small}
anxiousJune 9th, 2008
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| Just peeking my head onto the internet for a general sort of update. 1. I got to see Sauron, Himo, Kat, Heckruler, Syonyk, and the Kit. Good times were had. Elebits is ridiculously fun and perhaps another reason I should get myself a Wii at some point. But also, I got fantastic tea from Kit and I was able to reassure myself that everyone is okay and doing well. And yes I need to write more for them. 2. The Wowy is awesome. That is all. 3. ??? 4. PROFIT! (But seriously. Camping was a lot of fun. We lit things on fire, of course, but more importantly we had fun in general. I'm also very pleased and happy and bouncy because, for reasons that escape logic, the Wowy does still love me and all that jazz. He's still debating on whether to do a master's program in Ireland, which would start in late September, or if he should get a 'real job'. Either way, I think he'll stick with me. Which is excellent. :D I really wish I could schedule for a longer visit, but with both of us working this is the best we can do.) This evening is the bit with Dave and Buster's, plus other interesting eating places, so I'll be offline for a while more. Expect to see me back on Wednesday or perhaps late Tuesday. Also! The Wowy took me to see Iron Man. It was AWESOME. And sexy. I definately have a thing for robots. --- 3751 | ||||||||||||
| The mirror shows: Shine a Light |
May 27th, 2008
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| Lather, rinse, repeat on the 'long time no post' issue. I've been busy with work and for some reason my parents don't think it's a great idea for me to be on the internet/computer all of the time. Something to do with the electric bill. A reasoning I might have to agree with, perhaps. I'm currently negotiating with my own sense of fiscal responsibility when the best time for me to be online is, especially as I have obligations to friends that I want to keep up with. Such as: D&D RP, and MVH RP. Not to mention just general chat-ness on AIM and Skype. Yes I'm a big smelly whore and I should: 1) finish up MVH RP logs and 2) roll up my lvl 3 CG Human Bard for the D&D that Lars is now DMing. I leave for work in twenty minutes. *armflail* --Rough, 'stalker-proof' itinerary-- Thursday: - Arrive at airport. The Wowy! - Go to hotel with whirlpool. - *shifty looks* Friday: - Check out of hotel. - Go to Sauron and Himo's place. - Play with Sauron's pen- I mean Wii. - Sauron gets back from her job. - WE TAKE OVER THE WORLD. Saturday: - Sauron and I put the world back where it goes. - Meet up with Kit and Heckruler+Kat? TEA GET GO! - Have dinner with the Wowy after work. - ZOMG CAMPING. - Any friend we can sucker in will join us in the woods. With beer. And fire. Honestly, both are essential. Sunday: - Woods and more fire. - Did we mention beer? - Possibly watching the movie Iron Man. Monday: - Recover from days of debauchery in the woods. - Watch Iron Man today if not yesterday. - Another hotel ... OH SHI- Tuesday: - Leave from the airport. Sad panther. So far it looks like clanmates from UGUF and Sauron+Himo might be interested in camping. I'm still trying to figure out if Lars is coming over or not. (I think he's out of town?) And of course there will be plenty of Smash Brawl and other Wii games while I'm at Sauron+Himo's. As a side note, however, apparently they allow only two tents per site at the campground that we're thinking of staying at, so once I get a more accurate report of people who are camping with us we can figure out if we need more than one place reserved. And there's a waterpark within a short distance of the campground, so that might be superkeen as well. And there's an adult version of Chuck-E-Cheese (I forget the restaurant name, but I gathered they had beer and token-run games) near one of the hotels we're staying at. And and and ... Ugh. I need to get ready for work now. --- 3751 | ||||||||||
| The mirror shows: Shine a Light |
May 12th, 2008
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| I was just thinking the other day that I might be actually doing better depression/anxiety/mental-health wise. ... And then this evening happens. You can just copypasta some emo whiny crap in here. It's about the same as what's going on inside my head. I can't wait to visit Minnesota. --- 3751 | ||||||||||
| The mirror shows: Shine a Light |
![[mood icon]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/mood/lierre/compy/sad.gif){kind=small}
shittyMay 10th, 2008
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| Currently my brother Cheetah is right next door to me. And we're chatting in AIM. *mocks self* --- 3751 | ||||||||||
| The mirror shows: Shine a Light |
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| My father has done something with the internet, and so it now seems to be performing about 50% better than it had. This means that not only will I be able to do a lot more things with greater reliability - Ventrillo, MapTool, and just plain old Trillian - but it also means that I might be able to actually download shit. Watch me do my happy dance! I'll have to see about the extent of the improvement later, however, as I need to leave for work quite soon. --- 3751 | ||||||||||||
| The mirror shows: Shine a Light |
May 8th, 2008
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| Playing the piano, serving tea, and drinking tea. Caution for dialup: (worksafe) photos under the cut. ( Read more... ) Photo references for size: ( Read more... ) --- 3751 | ||||||||||
| The mirror shows: Shine a Light |
![[mood icon]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/mood/lierre/compy/silly.gif){kind=small}
sillyMay 7th, 2008
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| I've gotten: - cash - parental approval - work approval So I'm going to Minneapolis! Here's the current plan: 1. Leave on Wednesday June 4 on the Greyhound bus 2. Arrive Thursday June 5 in Minneapolis. (Yes, a 20 hr+ bus trip. x.x) 3. Hotel with the Wowy <3 4. Friday and Saturday - the Wowy works, so I'll be hanging out with Sauron and Danno (hopefully) 5. Saturday evening - dinner with everyone! 6. Sunday and Monday - Camping with the Wowy. A tent and an air matress and no-one but birds and deer around for miles. 7. Leave for home on Tuesday June 10. 8. Arrive back in Cincinnati on Wednesday June 11. It's not a lot of time, but it's the soonest I can visit him. Our work schedules are just too busy. But, on the plus side, this trip will be super cheap. Greyhound bus tickets are pretty inexpensive when purchased this far in advance. ^_^ Now, friends' list! There are a ton of people who've been missing me - you know who you are - I'll be within driving distance! Please let me know if you want to see me! :D --- 3751 | ||||||||||
| The mirror shows: Shine a Light |
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| the panther has a journalfen nao. (more postings after work; including details about visiting minneapolis) --- 3751 | ||||||||||
| The mirror shows: Shine a Light |
May 6th, 2008
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| Hoy hoy. This afternoon my manager comes back to work from her surgury during the 9:30-1:30 / 1:00-6:00 overlap, so I'll get to talk to her for a half hour. This is to determine if I can visit the Wowy from May 15-21. Which means I can see all of you peoples in Minneapolis, if I can get that time off. Mum says it's okay, it's early enough to purchase the tickets, and I have the money. ALL I need is the boss's approval. If I can get the time off ... this will be the first time I'll be able to see the Wowy in person since the end of last July. Unfortunately, this means I miss Sauron because she'll be in DC. :( I'm more than stupidly excited about my current RP threads in the MVH, even though these last two days I've been way too tired to rp. x.x Still, I've been pretty darn active during this short period of time, and I want to keep going. It's like crack. Only it's free. And, as I'd hoped, it's getting me out of my writing slump. I got inspired to write an interactive novel that I'm basing off of my story New Vision ... kinda. It's an AU version of New Vision, in that it takes place in my main original story universe. Because the normal New Vision story takes place in an AU of my original universe. Erm. Hope that isn't too confusing. It'll be called Broken Vision, and it'll have Takumi as the main character (rather than Chikara). The story will be substantially different as well, though of course the characters themselves will be fundamentally the same. It'll start off with the old 'you have amnesia' cliche, but I hope that I'll be introducing a few twists to it. Other things it will include: - Ren being a bastard earlier in the story than New Vision - Late original-story-verse timeline events - Cameos from Dragon Cycle (hey, Takumi and the others visit that story, so why not the other way around?) - A less twisted version of Chikara. Maybe. - Creepy-cursed-silent Akira - Many different relationships and friendships for Takumi to pursue, including a threesome. Ideally, I'd like to draw pictures to go with the story, but I think I'll just write it first. Especially since my art still sucks cock. --- 3751 | ||||||||||
| The mirror shows: Shine a Light |
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thoughtfulApril 29th, 2008
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| I have actually things to do! Besides going to work today! It's scary-sad how memorized I have the music background at work memorized by now. Especially as I hate nearly all of the songs. They all seem to fall into the 'Light FM' category, which would be fine in and off itself if it wasn't almost all also country. Which is not fine. Mistake me not; I can enjoy plenty of songs that might fall into the 'country' variety. None of them are whiny pseudo-pop top ten hits. The worst part of all this is, of course, that because this is work and because the panther gets bored, she ends up singing along to all of the songs, anyhow. Funny conversations have been had between my brother and I about switching the store's CD for one filled with Megadeth. Or bagpipe marches. What, you don't think 'Scotland, the Brave' is conductive towards shopping? Never underestimate the power of Celtic patriotism. I'm mildly terrified about telling my parents about my plans to visit the Wowy in June. Mainly because the last time I told them about plans involving me, taking time off work, and a bus, I got a Lecture of Doom which ended with something I'll paraphrase here, "You can do whatever you want, but if you do this you're an idiot and we'll blame anything that goes wrong on you." I have half a mind to just make all the arrangements and then, you know, not tell them until a week before I leave or something. Which might work out great, except I need to get to the Greyhound station somehow. And taxis are ridiculously expensive. x.x --- 3751 | ||||||||||||
| The mirror shows: Shine a Light |
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awakeApril 25th, 2008
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| So it appears I've taken a wee break from journaling. Like, a month break. *armflail* Not a lot has been happening. My average day goes something like this: Wake up, work, talk to boyfriend, do random things online, sleep. Lather rinse and repeat. Boring and pretty predictable and utterly mind-numbing. The upshot of this whole situation is that I'm earning monies. Eventually I'll be able to get out of here, but it feels like a very long and slow climb. Things I didn't post about: 1. Failed attempt to go to Ames 2. Random mental health shit 3. Exploits of playing way too much Disgaea 2 and FFXII 4. Wah wah I miss my boyfriend. Current things: 1. Applying for other jobs (a second one that I'd work at concurrently) 2. Trying to go to Minn. for a week in June 3. RP in the Multiverse Haven to prevent above mentioned mind-numbing Future things: 1. Driving (hopefully) 2. Visiting the Wowy (see above) 3. Visiting other awesome peoples (see above) My paycheck every two weeks is anywhere between $110 and $200, so I don't earn very much. But at least someday I'll be able to get out of here. *repeat of armflail* --- 3751 | ||||||||
| The mirror shows: Shine a Light |
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tiredMarch 21st, 2008
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| One of the best things I have found on the internet this year. Or, perhaps, EVAR. --- 3751 | ||||||||||
| The mirror shows: Shine a Light |
March 20th, 2008
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| Just so you know, I've been drawing things on my doodle journal like this. And you should all get one at Tegaki-E, too. :D --- 3751 | ||||||||||
| The mirror shows: Shine a Light |
March 19th, 2008
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| So ... I was chatting with one of my coworkers yesterday. She's currently pregnant, and was complaining about the aches and pains she was feeling, and I was nodding sympathetically (because hello? My mum had how many kids? And I've always been old enough to know what's going on. I've seen what a person can go through). And then she asks me, "How many kids do you have?" ... okay, back up. Not, "Do you have kids?" But, "How many kids ...?" My visible age must be really flexible. I've been pegged for the following now: 1. High school student too young to work full-time 2. Post-graduate school student 3. Someone just old enough to start college 4. Parent with many kids I'm twenty-three. I should have graduated from undergraduate school by now, but I didn't. It must be a combination of the way I dress and ... err, zits, I suppose. I can't come up with any other reason for why I always seem to look anything *but* my age. --- 3751 | ||||||||||
| The mirror shows: Shine a Light |
March 18th, 2008
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| Something positive perhaps? Yoinked from onnawufei on livejournal. Four places I've held jobs in my life: Lane Bryant Iowa State University Dining Services Iowa State Daily newspaper Girl Scouts ... okay, so it was all volunteer, but I was basically a day care assistant for the work I did. >.> Four movies I could watch over and over: Back to the Future Ferris Bueller's Day Off Star Wars V and VI (... I just pretty much watch these back-to-back) A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum Four cities in which I have lived: Chicago, IL Story City, IA Ames, IA (... neither of these are cities. really.) Cincinnati, OH Four TV shows that I watch: (... lately?) Stargate: Atlantis Torchwood MacGuyver The Daily Show Four places I have been to: Yellowstone National Park Walt Disney World Seattle (on a road trip from Chicago, even) New Orleans (once, when I was eight) Four people who e-mail, IM, or call me regularly: the Wowy Sauron Kit ... errm. Kat regularly talks to me about RP things because she's the DM. Four of my favorite foods: chocolate sukiyaki anything seafood extremely rare buffalo steak Four places I would rather be right now: with the Wowy within a short driving distance of the Wowy within an hour's driving distance of the Wowy within a half-day's driving distance of the Wowy Four stupidest things I've ever done: start a Computer Science major rather than just starting with Journalism not getting a job during college, regardless of what it would have done to my homework load not bullying my parents more into letting me practice driving so I could have a license dating this certain guy in high school, and then not breaking up with him earlier, and then not realizing he was sleeping with a fourteen-year-old. That's really just one stupid thing all rolled up into one item. Four things I am grateful for: having a job right now still having the Wowy still having friends remaining in relatively good health Four things I am looking forward to this year: moving out (I can hope, right, that it's possible to do this within this year?) getting a driver's license (see above) getting a car (see above) seeing the Wowy again (see above) --- 3751 | ||||||||||
| The mirror shows: Shine a Light |
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rushedMarch 17th, 2008
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| It's like putting on armor. I go through a definite ritual before starting work. Music is part of it; it sets me up in the right frame of mind. The clothes I wear, makeup, jewelry, it also helps. They're additional layers of defense, disguise. They are measures of supposed vanity that pretend to enhance beauty to the normal person. For me, it's armor. A costume. To hide my anxiety, my moodiness, my lack of self. I'm painting who they'd want to see over the real me. Later on, I can break down. This completely exhausts me. But perhaps some day, it might be worth it. Even if I make next to nothing. It'll all add up. And it's much better than nothing. --- 3751 | ||||||||||||
| The mirror shows: Shine a Light |
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determined
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| "Guilt" the silence grips inside my bones pours out the cracks running, running, down the hall thundering in my stolen shoes your eyes accuse and the verdict settles down upon me heavy and fat the steam curdles upwards, sour she waits upon the very hour doling out patience in spoonfuls every drop given tearing old paper out of their homes that silence grips inside my bones. --- HJST | ||||||||||
| The mirror shows: Shine a Light |
March 16th, 2008
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| I'm depressed, I'm lonely, and I cried more than a few times today. Last night I cried quite a bit (and pathetically in a hysterical way) before I fell asleep. I don't want a repeat performance tonight, but I don't know. My moods have been all over the place lately. I'm trying not to slip into hysterical-depression-mode, but I'm getting there. Tomorrow I work for five hours. Hopefully I can find something green. --- 3751 | ||||||||||
| The mirror shows: Shine a Light |
![[mood icon]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/mood/lierre/compy/depressed.gif){kind=small}
melancholy
Masquerade
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