InsaneJournal

Current location:	my parents' place
Current mood:	calm
Entry tags:	do i need a breakup tag?, mental health, song lyric spam

and as they trail the skies
Feeling much better today.

Yesterday I just felt overwhelmingly down. To the point where that cracked and showed through at work. I had to pause a couple of times in the midst of forming peanut squares to get a hold of myself and not cry. Just ..... really down.

Silver lining. It helped me bully myself into calling the counseling service during my lunch break - I talked to them as I walked around Wal-Mart's surrounding desert of abandoned mini-malls. This was the preliminary counseling session. We talked about what issues concerned me and past experiences with other counseling services.

They set up another phone appointment not this Thursday, but the Thursday after that ... but they want me to see a real doctor.

As they put it, there could be any a number of physical things causing what I feel - or it could be nothing at all. But we don't know until we find out.

But the idea absolutely terrifies me. Just. Made me cry the more I thought about it. Which just proves I'm messed up. I know that's not logical. The fact I'm acting so irrationally only frustrates me more.

But today? Today I feel much better. Slept well, and I feel more relaxed right now.

Well, relatively better anyway. I'll be able to keep a good mask up at work again.

I keep promising excerpts from my current 'soundtrack', don't I?



Bold emphasis are mine.

"Stars" - Alison Krauss and Union Station

Stood out in the rain.
Let it soak me down,
Before I called you...
I called you.

You did not see me there,
Hidden by the dark,
Beneath your window,
But I saw you.

When putting on a face for the mirror on the wall.
Dreaming that the looking glass is you.
Catching my fondest gazes;
Living through my fickle phases.
I love you.

Spend my time on 'phones,
Tryin' just to talk,
But you didn't answer...
You let it ring.

Spend my nights alone,
Catching fallin' stars,
To give to you, love.
They're just for you.

Stars fall every time a lover has to face the truth.
And far too many stars have fell on me.
And as they trail the skies,
And burn their paths upon my eyes,
I cry.

And it's getting easier, each day, to weep about you.
Harder, every night, to sleep without you.
How many years must I be,
Driven by this dream of love with you?

If you're an auditory person like me, the song link is here.



--- 3751